Happy Birthday Ed Sheeran

Edward Christopher Sheeran was born February 17, 1991 somewhere in England and then moved somewhere else in England. His parents John and Imogene run an art gallery and they specialize in chimpanzee poop art. That is paintings created by chimpanzees who fling their excrement at a canvas.

Little Eddie was known by other neighborhood children as the chubby little ginger troll with the stutter. Ed found solace in music. According to Sheeran, the album that introduced him to music was “Reign in Blood” by Slayer. “‘Angel of Death’ is my favorite song of all time” said Sheeran, “rapping along to The Geto Boys helped me get rid of my stutter”.

Sheeran wrote some music, was sued by everyone and became a huge star. Chicks love him. A late bloomer, Ed lost his virginity at age 19 when some older boys in the neighborhood held him down and gave it to him really good.

Ed Sheeran Illustration By Paul King Art

We can expect a lot of good things from Ed in the future including starring in a new biopic about the life of Marvin Gaye. Sheeran will play the Motown legend in the Martin Scorcese-helmed Sexual Healing, which is slated to start filming in Detroit later this month. Ed beat out Lenny Kravitz and Jesse L Martin for the coveted role.

In his spare time, Ed collects curiosities and oddities. Just recently he purchased the severed arm of Def Leppard drummer, Rick Allen. Also in his collection is, the severed head of Jayne Mansfield, the severed penis of John Bobbitt, the finger of Jerry Garcia and the prize of his collection, Adolf Hitlers shriveled atrophied testicles.

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