Happy Birthday Chrissie Hynde

Chrissie Hynde was born Edith Decklebaum in Akron Ohio on September 7, 1951. She is one badass chick and an incredible talent. Here are some incredulous facts about Chrissie that you didn’t know! Happy Birthday Chrissie!

MISS TEEN RUBBER

As a teen in Akron, Ohio , Chrissie went to charm school and was a model and debutante. She was named Miss Teen Rubber, for GoodYear tires in 1964. 50 years later, Hynde was also named Best Dressed Over 50 by Popular Mechanics Magazine. 

BANDS

Chrissie moved to London in the 1970’s and was in many bands before The Pretenders. Some of the band names include “Masters of the Backside”, “The Originals”, “The New Originals”, “The Butt Munchers”,  “Hugh Janus & The Buttplugs” and “REO Buttwagon”. Seems to be some sick theme there.

SMILE

No one has ever seen Chrissie Hynde smile. The reason is that as a teen she suffered a severe case of Gonorrhea, which froze the muscles in her face and left her incapable of smiling.

JIM WHO?

Chrissie was married to Jim Kerr of the band “Simple Minds” for 6 years and together they had a daughter. Hynde calls him Jim or Tim something or other and says he was so boring she honestly cannot remember his name.

RAY DAVIES

Hynde had a tumultuous relationship with Kinks frontman, Ray Davies. Their fights were legendary and in one incident, Chrissie crushed Ray’s nuts with a pliers, while he strangled her with a string of anal beads.

VEGETARIAN

Chrissie is a famous vegetarian, but was recently caught eating a cheeseburger at an Akron White Castle at 3AM on a Tuesday. Hynde explained it away saying “How can there be any meat in a burger that small that costs 12 cents. There’s no way there’s any meat in there”.

RESTAURANT

Hynde owned and operated a Vegan restaurant in Akron. It was eventually shut down when authorities discovered that the “fake chicken” that the restaurant was serving was actually human flesh.

PETA

An avid PETA supporter, Chrissie now spends her days on a street corner in Akron throwing paint on fur wearers. She was recently in hot water after throwing boiling red paint on the mayor. It turns out he was not wearing fur, but was just shirtless and had a very hairy back.