Bono

Happy Birthday

Paul David Hewson
May 10, 1960

Dublin, Ireland

In honor of Bono's birthday, we will celebrate by giving you some little known facts about the man. Happy Birthday Bono and thanks for the music sir!

1. Bono got his name from a marital aids store
As a young teen in Dublin, the artist formerly known as Paul Hewson was a member of the street gang called ‘Gobshites.’ His buddies started calling him Bono Vox after the neighborhood dildo store Bonavox (latin for ‘big penis’). He’s been known as Bono ever since.

2. Bono cannot ride a bicycle
Bono does not know how to ride a bicycle. He was involved in a bike crash in Central Park, NYC. He was riding a bike with training wheels when one of the wheels fell off causing Bono to ride into a ditch. Bono bruised his ego and said that one of the carriage horses was looking at him and it made him nervous. 


3. Bono is so cheap, he still has his communion money
Bono is a world activist involved in many causes. Although Bono is a Billionaire, he has never donated one dollar of his own money. He is quick to ask the poor to donate their money to the other poor, and he will hold benefits, but will never go into his own wallet. He doesnt pay taxes either. 


4. Bob Dylan once kicked Bono in the nuts.
Bono was just 24 years old when he interviewed Bob Dylan for the magazine Hot Press. Dylan was set to perform at Slane Castle in Dublin after the interview and decided to bring Bono up on stage during “Blowin’ in the Wind.” The only problem was that Bono didn’t know the lyrics to the song, and just made them up as he went along. After the show, Dylan kicked Bono square in the nuts. 

5. Are you related to Sonny or Chaz Bono?
Bono was recently asked by Kathie Lee Gifford if he was related to Sonny Bono or Chaz Bono. Bono replied "Are you daft? You know Bono is not my real name, you know I am not Italian. 

6. Paul McCartney Caught Bono looking at his weiner
Backstage at Live Aid, Paul McCartney caught Bono peering at his willie when the two were at the urinal together. "It wasn't like it was a quick glance, it was a long awkward stare" said McCartney. "I was like did you get a good look mate?"

7. Eat My Own Sh*t
When asked about the upcoming U2 tour, Liam Gallagher recently tweeted "I'd rather eat my own shit than than listen to them bunch of beige fucks as you were." 

8. Sinead O'Connor on Bono
Sinead O’Connor has come out to tweet that one of the reasons she’s no longer suicidal is the fact that she couldn’t stand the thoughts of Bono talking pure muck at her funeral. "You wanna know what finally stops me whenever I feel suicidal? It's the idea Bono might speak at my funeral. He’d shite on, is the thing."

9. Pope fails to convince Bono he is not God
The Pope and Bono meet at The Vatican to discuss religion and God. A five hour meeting results in The Pope telling Bono to "just fuck off you annoying tax dodging bastard."

10. Bono Panics During Fire, Pushes Women, Children & the Elderly at Refugee Camp!
Bono, lead singer of U2, was visiting a Syrian refugee camp, when a small fire broke out. Instead of calmly leading the refugees to safety, Bono ran screaming, knocking down any refugees that stood in his way. When reached for comment at his 50 room mansion, Bono stated "Seemingly I was a coward, It may appear to the untrained eye that I was afraid, but I was running so I could then guide the others to safety. I am the leader."

Refugee Sunil Abraham rejected Bono's explanation. "Bullshit" yelled Abraham. "Bono was running and screaming like a little girl. He pushed my 87 year old mother 'Babu' to the ground and stepped on a small girl in his terror to get to safety. I saw him use a pregnant woman as a shield when he heard a car backfire. He's a bad man, a very bad man. Show me 'Babu', where is 'Babu'!?"

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