Billy Joel

Happy Birthday

William Martin Joel
May 9, 1949
Bronx, NY

Billy Joel produced 33 Top 40 hits in the US, all of which he wrote himself, and three of which ("It's Still Rock and Roll to Me", "Tell Her About It", and "We Didn't Start the Fire") managed to top the charts. He is also a six-time Grammy Award winner who has been nominated for 23 Grammy Awards. With over 150 million records sold worldwide, he is one of the best-selling artists of all time. 

In honor of Billy's birthday, we will celebrate by giving you some little known facts about Billy Joel. Happy Birthday Billy and thanks for the music sir!

1. Billy became a boxer
Inspired by local bullies who often beat and sodomized Billy on his way home from school, Billy took boxing lessons and became the #1 pugilist on Long Island. Billy once beat Joe Louis in a 12 round bare knuckle match. 

2. Billy named his daughter Alexa Ray after Sugar Ray Robinson
The boxing theme continues. Most people think Alexa Ray was named after Ray Charles, but she was really named after boxer Sugar Ray Robinson.

3. Billy was a sweat hog
Billy was the original sweat hog. Skipping school to smoke cigarettes and hang out with his greaser friends, billy dropped out of HS. His guidance counselor Mr. Haslett, called Billy a loser who would be digging ditches someday. Mr. Haslett was later arrested on child porn charges in 1987. Billy purchased a High School diploma from Hicksville High, for $50K in 1992. 

4. Christie Brinkley said she would marry Billy even if he was not rich and famous
Model Christie Brinkley and Billy married in 1985. Christie said she is a simple girl and would marry Billy even if he were a poor plumber. Christie said she never heard of Billy Joel at the time. Even though Billy was one of the biggest rock stars in the world at the time. 

5. Billy Left Woodstock early
In 1969, Billy attended the Woodstock festival in upstate NY, but was forced to leave early after taking the brown acid and having a bad trip. Billy soiled himself and woke up in a tree wearing only ladies panties. 

6. Billy Owns Long Island
In 2009, Billy purchased Long Island from the State of NY. Billy paid only $3 million to then Governor, David Patterson. Patterson, who is blind, was told by Joel that he gave him $3 Billion. 

7. Billy purchased Elvis Presley's final turd
Billy purchased Elvis Presley's final bowel movement at auction last year for $1.7 million. Billy Joel gushed with joy as he cradled the extremely rare fecal matter. "I really feel like I won the lottery" cried Joel. "I want to thank god and Christie Brinkley for granting me this prize. This is the crowning glory of my collection." Also in Joel's collection is Sammy Davis Jr's eye, a condom once worn by Frank Sinatra and Mary Todd Lincoln's diaphragm. 

8. Billy plans to hold his funeral at MSG
Billy has been holding his monthly residency at NYC's Madison Square Garden for over 15 years now. Billy plans on doing this monthly concert until he drops dead. After his death he will hold his funeral at MSG and will lie in state as fans can view his body and pay respects. Tickets will be $500 each. 

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