Guitar Sales Skyrocket After Guys See Wolf Van Halen’s Beautiful Wife

Wolf Van Halen’s Wife has shaken the music industry. Guitar sales skyrocketed today following the wedding of Wolf Van Halen. It appears that men of all ages ran out and purchased a guitar after seeing Wolfie’s beautiful new wife. Analysts say this is the greatest guitar sales boom since The Beatles appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1964.

It all started when Wolf Van Halen, the son of legendary rocker Eddie Van Halen, introduced the world to his stunning wife, who goes by the name of, well, Mrs. Van Halen. As soon as the internet got a glimpse of this musical muse, something extraordinary happened. Guitar shops across the nation reported a sudden influx of customers who believed playing the guitar could get them a hot chick just like Wolfie got.

Wolf Van Halen’s Wife

It has long been known that girls love musicians and that by playing the guitar a guy could up his worth in the love department. The average shlub that could maybe pull a 4, can up that to a 6 just by picking up the guitar. Joining a band automatically ups that to an 7 and if you are lucky enough to be rich and famous you can pull a 10. It’s the new math.

Tom Drnach commented, “I am sure Wolfie is a nice guy and all but the guy is huge. He’s gotta be pushing 350. It’s true that he is also rich and the son of Eddie Van Halen but come on. Even with all that, there is no way he is getting a chick that hot without the guitar. Look at Zuck & Gates, they are billionaires and still can’t get hot chicks. I may be 250 lbs, have bad hygiene and live in my Mom’s basement, but with this new Strat I purchased today the chicks are going to be beating down my door.”

Guitars

Guitar industry analysts are seeing huge numbers all across the boards. Gibson, Fender, PRS, Jackson, Kramer, Gretsch and Ibanez are all up. Guitar Centers and local Mom & Pop shops across the country have had to hire extra security to handle the crowds. And it’s not just guitars. Books like, “Guitar for Dummies”, “Guitar For Ugly Guys” and “Guitar For Fat Losers” have all sold out.

Bernie Giacobe who purchased his first guitar today, an Epiphone commented, “I already learned Sunshine of Your Love. My teacher promises to teach me Paranoid and Wonderwall next week. By Christmas I will probably be playing Eruption and banging chicks 2 at a time. I will be getting more rump than a toilet seat.”