Gene Simmons Selling KISS Brand Eclipse Sunglasses

Gene Simmons, the legendary bassist and frontman of KISS, has announced the launch of KISS brand eclipse sunglasses just in time for the upcoming celestial spectacle. Simmons has partnered with the makers of Eclipse chewing gum and designed the perfect sunglasses to view the historical event.

Yes, you heard it right! Gene Simmons, the man who brought us KISS brand toilet paper, artificial limbs and coffins, is now venturing into the world of eyewear to help you watch the eclipse in true rockstar fashion.

Gene Simmons Eclipse Sunglasses

The sunglasses themselves are a sight to behold. Adorned with the iconic KISS logo, the glasses are made from recycled Eclipse chewing gum packaging. These shades promise to make you look cooler than liquid nitrogen while observing the eclipse. “These aren’t just sunglasses,” Simmons boasted. “They’re an experience, They’re a statement, They’re KISS!”

“Do you get the joke?” laughed Simmons. “These are Eclipse sunglasses made from Eclipse gum packages. Sunglasses to view the Eclipse and they are made from recycled Eclipse gum wrappers. We are saving the planet as well as your eyesight.”

But what about the science behind the shades? When questioned about the technical specifications, Simmons grinned mischievously. “Science? Who needs science when you’ve got rock ‘n’ roll, baby?” he quipped, “What’s the worst that can happen? Trust your Uncle Gene, these were made in a sweat shop somewhere under strict guidelines. They are even Kosher for Passover as well”.

Gene then joked that the sunglasses were tested thoroughly. “We had Lizzo come out and stand in front of us. She was posed strategically and blocked the sun just like an Eclipse would. Talk about The Dark Side of The Moon. Man I tell you that is some caboose on her. Anyway, the sunglasses worked perfectly and not only are my eyes fine, I can actually see better now. I think these sunglasses can fix your eyesight.”