Gene Simmons Admits He Only Invited Peter Criss on Tour to Harvest His Organs
Earlier this year Gene Simmons stated that Peter Criss and Ace Frehley have both been invited to guest appear on KISS’s swan song End of the Road Tour. “We would love to have them jump up on stage to play an encore with us or get me a towel or a cold drink, whatever they want” stated Simmons.
However, things are not always as they appear. In an incredible act of investigative journalism, Madhouse News uncovered Simmons evil plot. Reporter Larry Guerin went undercover and took a job on the KISS tour as Gene Simmons piss bucket boy. “Gene has a bloated prostate so he pees every 3 minutes. He does not want to leave the stage after every song so there is a special pee bucket on stage. Gene’s costume is specially designed for quick release. After every song I connect his bucket and he does his business. Then I disconnect him and go empty the bucket and do it all over again. It is a horrifying job but it gets me into Gene’s inner circle where I have gained his trust.”
Organ Harvest
Simmons’ plans to include Criss and Frehley were only so he could harvest Criss’ organs. Simmons was going to lure Criss into complacency and then bludgeon him to death and steal his organs. Frehley’s organs were of no value after years of abuse.
Wealthy Chinese Businessmen pay a substantial sum for these black market organs. A kidney goes for $10,000 and a set of heart and lungs for $100,000.
“It was a genius plan” said Simmons. “And if it wasn’t for you nosy kids at Madhouse, I would have gotten away with it.”
Lee Ho Phuk
Apparently, Simmons has been running his Black Market Organ ring with his partner, Beijing Mayor, Lee Ho Phuk. Dating back to 2014, Simmons would harvest the organs of Kiss fans at backstage meet and greets.
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If you believe this… I have the Golden Gate Bridge in Utah for Sale! A once in a lifetime opportunity!!!
This article was a waste of editorial space that really wouldn’t have even been funny years ago(like when Criss was first ousted from or quit KISS)let alone now that by gones are by gones and any kind of feud between Simmons and Criss has long since past.You would have made better use of this story’s space by just printing a bunch of jokes with “Cleveland” as the punch line
No wonder they have been touring for so long. This explains everything.
KISS IS NOT KISS WITHOUT PETER AND ACE, I DON’T GIVE A RATS ASS TO WHAT ANY OF YOU SAY, THE ORIGINAL BAND MEMBERS ARE THE BEST IN THE LAND, SO SAYS I