All Horses Disqualified, Cher Wins Kentucky Derby!

In a shocking reversal to a reversal, Cher and her horse “Prickly Pete”, were named winners of the 145th Kentucky Derby.

In a historical reversal, Country House was declared the winner of the 145th running of the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs on Saturday following “an inquiry ruling” and the disqualification of Maximum Security, officials said. Immediately following that reversal, a series of objections were lodged and after reviewing films and tapes, the drunk judges declared that all the horses were disqualified and Cher and “Prickly Pete” were the winners. 

The disqualification marked “the first time in 145 years” that “the horse who finished first in the Kentucky Derby was disqualified,” the official Twitter account for the sporting event said. “It won’t be the last though. Now that we have completely tainted the sport of horse racing, we will continue to make a mockery of the sport. We plan on giving ribbons to all horses who compete, not just the winners. We don’t want the horses to feel bad.”

Cher has been riding for many years, ever since she released the “Half Breed” album in 1973. “Prickly Pete” is a 7 year old horse who never won a race before. His last race he finished 8th out of 7 horses. Coming into the Kentucky Derby, he was a 500-1 long shot. Anyone who bet on “Prickly Pete” is a very rich person today.