Fans Must Submit To Cavity Probe & Full Exam By Dave Grohl to Attend Foo Fighters Concert

The Foo Fighters have announced today that they are implementing drastic safety measures.

In order to gain entrance to any future Foo Fighters concert, fans must submit to a full examination, including cavity probes. The exam will be performed by Dave Grohl. He is not a licensed physician, but has played one in a music video.

The exam will consist of, full blood work, prostate check, pap smear, testicular exam, vision test, hearing test, scoliosis screening, pelvic exam, bone density test and colorectal screening. Fans are advised to wear loose clothing and not to eat for 12 hours before the concert.

Other bands plan to follow suit. Dee Snider of ‘Twisted Sister’ tweeted, “I can’t wait to probe and prod our fans. Especially the big fat sweaty ones. I want this in the worst way. Sign me up!”

Alex Skolnick of ‘Testament’ posted “It’s what we need to do. It makes sense. All around the world, people are being probed for all sorts of reasons. Why wouldn’t we probe people who want to attend a concert? That’s the question we should be asking. If it were up to me, everyone would be probed before entering the supermarket. I would stop people randomly on the street. Stop and probe is an idea whose time has come.”

Do Not Be Alarmed

Dave Grohl reassured fans by stating, “Do not be alarmed. I have very soft hands, and I will ensure they are not too cold. I will be gentle, yet thorough. This will be much better than those cold meet and greets. This is much more intimate and I will really get to know the fans. This is a good thing.” The cost of the exam is $99.95 and will be included in the price of the ticket.