David Bowie

Interview From Heaven

*In the most earth shattering, exciting news ever, Madhouse Magazine has secured the exclusive talents of the World's only true medium. Our medium has the ability to speak to departed souls directly. There will be no vague, ambiguous generalizations. No Ouija boards, no guessing games. This is the real deal. One on One direct converations with the dead. Our medium has the highest level security clearance and has worked with the FBI, CIA and local police departments to solve over 5000 crimes. We must hide her identity for security reasons. We have lined up interviews from beyond, with the greatest talents of our generation. The first interview of this series is with the amazing David Bowie, who passed away in 2106.

Madhouse Magazine:  Hello David, first off, I want to say, we miss you very much, and millions of your fans all over the world, were devastated by your departure.  

David Bowie:  Well thank you very much. That's very sweet to hear and I miss you all too. Not to worry though, I am at peace and having a very nice time here. 

Madhouse Magazine:  This is the first interview ever from Heaven. 

David Bowie:   Yes this is very exciting. I always hated all that medium BS, I never believed in those charlatans and hacks taking advantage of people. And now that I am on the other side, I can tell you unequivocally, it's all bollocks. They are all fakes. Except you guys of course. That ridiculous woman from Long Island with that silly hairdo. Even if she could talk to the dead, I would never speak to her. Now you guys are the real deal. I love your magazine, we all read it every month up here, you guys are funny AF. 

Madhouse Magazine:  So can you describe Heaven for us?

David Bowie:  Well I can't give too much away, the big guy frowns on that. But I can tell you there are more musicians up here now than there are down there. It was so nice meeting up with all my friends. It was great to see Lou Reed again, and I just got through jamming with Mick Ronson and the Spiders. I had tea with John Lennon yesterday. It's all so peaceful, relaxing and fun up here. You do whatever you like. 

Madhouse Magazine:  So have you been following what goes on down here?

David Bowie:   Ha well I forget to tell you the other great aspect of Heaven, there are no politicians or lawyers up here. Not one! No one here gives a fuck about politics, what side you are on, any of that. We left all that down below. Everyone gets along. I was excited to hear that 'The Jersey Shore' is back. We are usually too busy to watch much TV, but the big guy has special viewings once a week, and we all watch Jersey Shore and Vanderpump Rules.  

Madhouse Magazine:  What event shocked you the most over the last 2 years? 

David Bowie:  Well I have to say Bon Jovi getting into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame pissed us all off up here. We all got together and burned our statues. If that talentless hack is in the Rock Hall of Fame, then take us out. Chuck Berry and Sid Vicious were especially angry about that, they started the bonfire. Fuck Jann Wenner that chubby little poof, I never liked him. Rolling Stone magazine is a rag. Madhouse is the real shit!

Madhouse Magazine:  So I imagine you have some great jam sessions up there? 

David Bowie:  Oh man do we. It's non stop music. A different concert every night. Tonight the band consists of Joe Strummer, Janis Joplin, Frank Sinatra, Miles Davis, Frank Zappa, John Bonham and John Entwistle. That should be fun.  I am hoping Sinatra and Janis sing "I Got You Babe". Oh and at midnight, we have a comedy show with Richard Pryor, Rodney Dangerfield and Sam Kinison. 

Madhouse Magazine:  We all have questions about Heaven, are there bugs up there? Animals? 

David Bowie:  How the fuck is it going to be Heaven if there are bugs up here? Only dogs are allowed here, and they are allowed on the couch. No Cats! Animals and bugs have their own heaven somewhere else. 

Madhouse Magazine:  In interviews, you stated you were bisexual, claimed that you were "almost an atheist", you took drugs, and yet you still got into Heaven. This goes against everything we were taught?

David Bowie:  Ha yes it sure does. I found out the only requirement for getting into Heaven, is to be a good person, and spread love. It's a case by case basis, and it doesnt hurt to entertain millions and create some of the greatest music ever recorded. 

Madhouse Magazine:  What did you think of all the outporing of love for you and the many tributes to you?

David Bowie:  Well I thought it was a lovely thought and I can feel the love. But those tributes were kind of shitty don't you think? It was well intentioned but come on man. A bunch of talentless hacks fucking up my songs. What kind of tribute is that?  I had a much better tribute when I got here. Billie Holiday and Jimi Hendrix played a beautiful version of "Heroes" for me when I arrived. Now that was a tribute!

Madhouse Magazine:  What advice can you give us? 

David Bowie:  My best advice is to STFU and enjoy your life. Stop worrying about all this politics stuff. It's all worthless. Love each other. Politicians are bad. Everyone of them is a crook and a sociopath. They pit us all against each other so that while we are fighting, we won't notice they are stealing from us and committing atrocities. And drink your ovaltine. 

Madhouse Magazine:  Thank You for your time Mr. Bowie, this has been great, you have made history. 

David Bowie: Yeah great, remember what I told you, don't take of any this too seriously. We are just insignificant specks. We are on earth for a short time, don't waste it. Make the best of it and love each other. 


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