Dave Matthews To Star in Forrest Gump Remake

Paramount Pictures is releasing a new version of Forrest Gump. The 1994 classic that starred Tom Hanks, will get a makeover with a twist for the current day.

The new movie will star musician Dave Matthews as Gump, Rapper Kanye West as Bubba, Kaitlin Jenner as Mrs. Gump & Lance Bass as Lieutenant Dan. Martin Short will play the young Forrest. Lizzo will play Jenny.

New & Improved Gump

JJ Abrahams has signed on to direct the film.  “Our goal is to take an iconic movie and make a much worse movie” said Paramount head, Jim Gianopulos. “It is a beloved film, and we want to take and tarnish the entire movie. We really want to make a lot of money by capitalizing on a proven name like ‘Forrest Gump’, and running it into the toilet.”

The new ‘Forrest Gump’ will be a lavish superhero special effects musical. “There will be singing, dancing, drug use & gender neutral Superheroes” said Producer Judd Apatow. “Instead of Forrest being a cripple, which is not politically correct, Forrest will now have super powers and have the ability to fly. It’s going to be the feel good smash of the season.”

“Dave Matthews is the perfect choice to play Forrest Gump, the resemblance is uncanny” said Apatow. “The goofy pumpkin pie haircut, the dimwitted smile, he was born to play Gump. We didn’t have to change a thing or even give him wardrobe or makeup. He wears all his own stuff in the film.”

I Like Ping Pong

Matthews has written 3 new incredibly boring songs for the movie and has been practicing being dull and dimwitted. “The resemblance is uncanny” said Matthews. “I had a neighbor named Jenny and I like Ping Pong.”

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