Dave Grohl Bitten On Privates By Spider While Sitting on Toilet
Rocker Dave Grohl had a nightmarish toilet incident when he was bitten on the penis and testicles by a venomous spider!
Grohl, ex Nirvana drummer, and current Foo Fighter frontman, was in Florida, and went to take care of business in a portable toilet. “I was sitting there minding my business, reading the new issue of Madhouse Magazine, and I felt a sting” says Grohl. “I saw the spider running away and within 30 minutes, I knew that I was in trouble.” On his way to the hospital, “I saw Courtney Love hiding in the bushes and I could see the flesh corrupting,” he recalls. “The penis was real hot, and the ‘nads were swelling. I got to the emergency room, and thank god the nurse knew straight away what it was. She saw 3 cases of Penis spider bites that morning. My balls were the size of basketballs. It looked like i was riding a ‘hoppity hop’.”
Although the spider bite itself was not serious, it had caused bacterial infection in the deeper layers of the skin and tissues of the private parts.
“Unbelivably, the doctor was a Foo Fighters fan,” says Grohl, “First thing he said to me was: ‘First I am going to save your life. Then I am going to save your penis. Then I am going to save your testicles. Then I am going to save your career.'”
Grohl underwent emergency surgery, and doctors were able to save his ‘Franks n Beans’. “My junk looks like a shriveled, burnt 7-11 hot dog at this time, but it could have been a whole lot worse” said Grohl. “I have a long road ahead of me, with lots of physical therapy, and I have to learn how to use the penis all over again.”
Beware the gaseous venom of the barking spider. The fulfillment of their life-cycle includes depositing their eggs in small mammalian fauna that inhabit the environment near over frugal food preppers. Processing and even cooking these exotic delicacies, carefully maintaining the proper grease marinade, provide the ideal enviememt to hatch and pupate.
Once consumed, the gut of their host/victim becomes a wonderfull playground for them to scamper and grow(l).
Near the end of its journey, an adolescent spiderling emerges to full maturity, sometimes stealthily, other times hissing. Usually, though, it announces it’s emergence into the new environment with a characteristic “bark of freedom”. Occasionally, upon release, it’s venom, wafting in challenge to all life forms, meets bare flesh, eyes or is inhaled through mouth or nose. The results can be quite devistating to host and any creatures in proximity.
Do not trust door to door, dubious meat pie (yes, swiped from Sir Terry) and burrito peddlers to have your internal and external bits best interests in mind.