Crosby Stills & Nash Final Interview

Madhouse Magazine volunteered to mediate and document an historic peace summit with Crosby, Stills and Nash. David Crosby, Stephen Stills and Graham Nash met at an undisclosed location with our chief negotiator Claude Kissinger. Claude is the son of former Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, and has a PHD in Psychotherapy.

Madhouse: Thank you gentlemen for agreeing to sit down together. Hopefully we can reach some sort of agreement or meeting of the minds.

Graham Nash: I would have never agreed to this unless Madhouse Magazine was involved. I love you guys. Joni used to read Madhouse to me while she was taking a dump and I was in the tub. I really loved that article when you said David was anally gored during the running of the bulls. That was hilarious.

Stephen Stills: Yeah Judy used to read Madhouse to me while she was on the crapper too. I loved all the stories about David.

David Crosby: Oh yeah, both of your moms used to read Madhouse to me while I was shagging them. I loved the stories about how Stephen wet the bed and Graham’s mother was a whore.

Stills: See I told you he is a jerk.

Nash: How dare you! I am out of here.

Madhouse: Please stay, David – insults are not helpful, we are here to see if we can repair these relationships.

Crosby: You are right. I am sorry guys. Please stay, I would like to work on our relationships.

Madhouse: Graham please explain how we got to this point.

Nash: Well I don’t want to point fingers but it is all David’s fault. He treated me like crap for 45 years. You can’t do that to me. You can do it for a day or so, until I think you’re going to come around. When it goes on longer, for say 45 years and I keep getting nasty emails from him, I’m done. F*ck you.

Stills: Yeah we all hate David.

Crosby Stills & Nash Final Interview — Crosby, Stills & Nash circa 1970 Illustration by Paul King Art

Madhouse: Hold that thought, I have some special guests to join us now. Here are Neil Young and Roger McGuinn.

Neil Young: Hello boys

Roger McGuinn: Hello

Madhouse: Neil and Roger you have been listening so tell us your thoughts.

Young: Well Graham is right. It’s all David’s fault. He said terrible things about my wife Daryl. He needs to apologize.

Crosby: I am sorry your wife is a gold digging whore. By the way why don’t you tell everyone that I am the father of your twins?

Young: BS – I know you tell everyone you donated the sperm. But that is crap. You are a diseased beast. You handed some cloudy, soupy mess in a mason jar to my maid and I threw it in the bushes. It looked like egg drop soup. Whatever it was, it killed my plants. Those babies are all mine. Bend over and I will show you.

McGuinn: Yeah David, you ruined the Byrds with all your crap too.

Madhouse: David how does this make you feel?

Crosby: Wow, I guess it is me. I am truly sorry, I love you guys. You are my brothers. We have been through a lifetime together and we created the soundtrack of a generation together. I promise to be more thoughtful about what I say and I promise not to be a jerk. Neil, Daryl is a sweet wonderful girl. Graham, I love you. Stephen you are the best and Roger, why the f*ck did you change your name?

*They all laugh at this time and start a big group hug. Through the laughter and the tears, CSN&Y agree to get together and record and tour this summer. Unbelievably David and Roger also plan to get the Byrds back together and make music.

**Sadly David Crosby passed away 2 weeks after this interview. The moral of the story is to Love the One You’re With. And there’s so much time to make up everywhere you turn. Time we have wasted on the way. So much water moving underneath the bridge. Let the water come and carry us away.

Rest in Peace David. Thank You for the music sir.