Classic 1978 Ramones Interview

We dug deep into our archives for this imaginary 1978 Interview with all four original Ramones. Joey, Dee Dee, Johnny and Tommy. Madhouse Magazine interviewer Claude Balzac sat down with The Ramones May 4, 1978 at CBGB’s. This was the day of the infamous Johnny Blitz benefit and Tommy’s last performance as drummer with the band. He would stay on as producer and Marky would join as the new drummer. Road to Ruin would be released September of that year. 

Madhouse Magazine: Hello Ramones, It is great to talk to you guys. We love you and are big supporters of your music. 

Joey Ramone: Thank you, we love Madhouse too. Mad Magazine and Madhouse are my 2 favorites. Rolling Stone is a corporate rag. You guys are Punk rock. 

Madhouse: So I couldn’t help but notice that Dee Dee is squirming around in his chair a lot. What’s going on? 

Johnny Ramone: [laughs] Tell him what happened Dee Dee.

Dee Dee Ramone: [laughs] no man, I don’t want to talk about it. 

Johnny Ramone: I will tell it then. Last week, Dee Dee was banging Sid’s girlfriend, Nancy, and Dee Dee’s girlfriend Connie walks in. Now Connie is a real pig, a degenerate, a junkie and a prostitute, and those are her good qualities. Anyway she smashes a beer bottle over Nancy’s head and then slashes Dee Dee’s butt with the broken glass. Dee Dee was running down the street naked bleeding from the buttocks. A usual Tuesday at Dee Dee’s house.

Madhouse: Ouch that is going to leave a mark. So you guys are playing tonight at CBGB’s – tell us what happened to Johnny Blitz, drummer of The Dead Boys?

Tommy Ramone: Well Blitz was in a bodega in the East Village and accidentally bumped into a gang of transvestites. He said excuse me sir and they all pounced on him and stabbed him like 50 times. I think he was also compromised sexually.

Joey: Tommy don’t be a moron. It wasn’t a gang of Transvestites, it was Puerto Ricans and one guy stabbed him 5 times. There was no compromising that I know of.

Tommy: ha ok well anyway we are playing a gig tonight, a benefit for Blitz. He is out of the hospital and doing better. But we are going to help him out with the medical bills. 

Dee Dee: Hey Madhouse you got any money? Can you spare $20?

Madhouse: So you guys grew up in Queens, like I did. How were you as students?

Joey: [laughs] oh man, we were terrible students. Everyone in our neighborhood either grew up to be Musicians, degenerates or dentists. We spent most of our time in the Dean’s office. Dee Dee was honored as the worst student of all time at Forest Hills High School. Special Ed and retarded kids got better grades than Dee Dee. 

Dee Dee: [laughs] Yeah someday they will rename a street for us though. You watch. 

Madhouse: So do you guys have a rivalry with the London punk bands or are you friends? 

Johnny: F*ck those British p*ssies. We invented Punk while they were still playing dress up. They are just a bunch of posers. I gave Johnny Rotten a piss filled beer bottle and he drank the whole thing. 

Joey: Shut up Johnny.

Johnny: You shut up. I will slap you Joey, I will slap you good.

Joey: Yeah I would have been your father Johnny but my dog beat me over the fence.

[*Johnny throws a chair at Joey and we must take a break to separate the two.]

Madhouse: Tommy why are you leaving the band?

Tommy: [laughs] I think you just witnessed why. I am sick of these guys. [laughs]. It’s true but I love them. I am sick of traveling in a van with Dee Dee nodding out and drooling on me. Joey closing the damn door 500 times before we can leave. Johnny lighting his farts. I am staying on as Producer but I am not touring with them anymore. We got a new drummer Marky and he can put up with the BS. I will be home relaxing in Queens in my own bed eating Cheetos while these dummies are traveling through Des Moines in a van without heat in February. I am also starting a new record label with my neighbor, David Berkowitz. He is a mailman and a nice guy but he spends an awful lotta time talking to my dog.

Madhouse: So what do you think of the current music scene?

Joey: It sucks. Disco Sucks, Corporate music sucks, radio sucks. When our first album was released in 1976, the #1 song of the year was ‘Disco Duck’ by Rick Dees. What a piece of crap. That tells you a lot about the stupidity of the public and what corrupt dummies run the business. Rick Dees should be charged with war crimes for perpetrating that fraud on the American public. The song is so bad it violates many rules of the Geneva conventions.

Dee Dee: Yeah the music business is a bunch of comb overs snorting cocaine and telling us how good the new Styx album is. 

Joey: We gave music a kick in the arse and shook it up. We want the airwaves. We released 2 killer albums in ’77, ‘Leave Home’ & ‘Rocket to Russia’ but the public wants Leo Sayer and ABBA. For chrissakes, Starsky & Hutch had a #1 song with that “Don’t Give Up on Us” garbage. What a load of crap.

Johnny: What about “You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone? I hear you singing that to yourself all the time Joey. When you think no one is listening. I heard you.

Joey: Shut up Johnny, I saw you singing into a hairbrush in the mirror to Shaun Cassidy.

Johnny: That is a lie!

Dee Dee: Ha no it’s not Johnny I saw you too. [sings] “Da Doo Run Run Run, Da Doo Run Run”.

Madhouse: Well I see Nancy Spungen just showed up. Should we ask her to join us?

Dee Dee: Oh god no. Hide me. I am outta here

[*At this point Dee Dee climbs out the window to escape]

Johnny: I would rather have a rat chew off my testicles than spend any time with Nancy. 

Joey: I think we better wrap up the interview now, she is looking at us and heading our way. 

Madhouse: Ok thanks boys, it was a pleasure talking to you. Have a great show tonight.

Tommy: Thanks, keep up the great work on the magazine.