Chuck Berry Fakes Own Death Found Hiding in Applebees Women’s Bathroom Since 2017
By Courtney Cronin Dold
The father of rock and roll is alive and well and even more of a sick fuck than we thought. It was no secret the man who sang the creepy hit song; “My Ding-a-Ling” had sexual proclivities which included farting on hookers and other hilariously disgusting acts. Perversions that would make even Donald Trump turn ten shades of orange.
So he devised a plan to fake his own death and continue to live out the rest of his days doing what he loved best. Watching women go to the bathroom.
That’s right, the “Johnny B. Goode” singer has been bad and living… in a john.
Police say Berry entered the St. Louis area Applebee’s in March of 2017 dressed as a woman named “Maybellene” and has been there ever since. He was discovered early this morning by the restaurants, borderline retarded manager, Henry Harris.
Harris said that patrons had noticed something was odd about the unusually large handicap stall. “Some ladies said they heard a man’s voice and weird noises coming from it so like any good manager I assumed it was haunted and told everyone to keep away from it.”
When asked why he didn’t just open the stall to investigate the frightened patron’s claims Harris replied, “I couldn’t. It was locked.”
When cleaning the bathroom late last night Harris dropped his keys right next to the scary stall. When he bent down to retrieve them, he discovered a brown-eyed handsome man sniffing a discarded pair of brown-dyed ladies Depends.
He called the police immediately who upon arrival crawled underneath the stall door to investigate.
Inside, they found Berry in a captain’s hat with his guitar and two hundred thousand dollars of video equipment, which included sixty-seven web cams.
If Harris hadn’t found him, who knows how long Berry would have remained in his home, which he affectionately referred to as “The Potty Barn.”
When asked why he did it Berry replied that he had, “No Particular Place to Go.” And that the place he wanted the women in the restroom “to go” was on his face. Now, sadly, his plans of wanting to live out his golden years, getting golden showers, have been flushed away.
Berry was taken away by authorities and placed on house arrest in his new home, the women’s bathroom at Chili’s.
