Celebs Donate All Their Own Money to Help Others

In an unprecedented show of unity and philanthropy, loudmouth celebrities banded together and donated their own money to pay the bills of their fans. All celebrities, politicians, musicians, actors, sports figures, directors, producers, and your every day rich f*cks have donated all their wealth, just keeping $1Million each for themselves. With all this donated money, all citizens will no longer have to worry about the future and all our problems will be solved. 

We are just kidding of course. In reality, celebrities, sports figures and politicians have done nothing and will do nothing. They never actually give their own money. During a crisis, celebrities will sing or perform at a benefit and will ask you to give YOUR money, but they never actually give their own. 

Here and there a celebrity will make a show of how they did give their own money, it is just for tax write-offs and publicity. But now during this time, celebrities cannot just perform at a gala and donate 25 minutes of their time. People need money. Cash money. The one thing celebrities and the rich will never ever give.

Gold toilets, spinning rims, Lexuses, Benzes, 35 room mansions, yachts, chains, diamonds, Birkin Bags, Chanel, Gucci, and hypocrisy are all much more important. 

If there is one thing that comes out of this tragedy, it is that we may realize that our heroes are not better than we are. In fact they are worse. Much worse. #satire