Cardi B to Appear on The New $20 Bill

In a shocking announcement today, the treasury department announced it will unveil the new $20 bills featuring Cardi B. 

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, told reporters during a briefing on Monday afternoon. “The Treasury Department is putting Cardi B on the front of the new $20 notes. It’s important that our notes, our money… reflect the history and diversity of our country and Cardi B’s image gracing the new $20 note will certainly reflect that.”

There have been ongoing discussions and it was announced that Harriet Tubman would be on the new $20 bill, however that was scrapped for Cardi B. “Cardi B played a huge part in my campaign, mumbled Joe Biden. “And she smells good. Harriet Tubman never did anything for me. Which one is she again?”

Cardi B will be the first stripper to appear on U.S. paper currency. Cardi B aka Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar, escaped The Bronx and later led the underground stripper railroad. She helped fellow strippers escape the clubs of the bronx via the subway and led them to the really nice ‘Gentlemen’s Clubs’ of Manhattan. 

“What could be a better example for young girls, than promoting using your body to get what you want” said Treasury Spokesperson, Alice Pfistergash. “Young girls need to know that sex work is work. It is a good option, not everyone can go to college.”

In a brief video that was released on social media, Cardi B twerked, stuck out her tongue, and showed her pierced lady parts as she celebrated the news. “Justice. Decency. Equality. Freedom. Democracy. Pu$$y Sweat. I am on the $20 bill yo, make it rain“ Cardi B said in the video, as she took off her top. “I’m just a regular degular shmegular girl from the Bronx yo.”