Cardi B Named Best Lyricist of All Time; Dylan Comes in at Number 2

Rapper and stripper, Cardi B, has been named the greatest lyricist of all time in a new Rolling Stone magazine poll. Bob Dylan came in at number 2.

Evidently Cardi’s vision of American popular music was transformative. No one set the bar higher, or had greater impact. “She is the most inspirational and metaphorical lyricist that has ever graced this earth” said former Rolling Stone editor, Jann Wenner.

Cardi B Best Lyricist Ever

“Bring a bucket and a mop for this WAP, Swipe your nose like a credit card. I want you to park that big MAC truck right in this little garage. That is genius. That is literally Shakespeare.” said all of the Demi Lovato’s.

After Cardi B was named the GOAT, Bob Dylan was number 2 on the list. “Dylan was good”, said Taylor Swift, “But he’s no Cardi B. She just took writing to a whole new level. Plus she can twerk way better than Dylan. I think that put her over the top.”

Cardi B Named Best Lyricist of All Time; Dylan Comes in at Number 2

The full list in order includes: Justin Bieber #3, Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit #4, Chad Kroeger of Nickelback #5, and Jon Bon Jovi at #6. These geniuses were responsible for classics like “Nookie”, and “Yummy”. Of course Bon Jovi gave us gems such as: “Like the roses need the rain / Like the seasons need to change / Like the poets need the pain / I need you,”

Finally Bernie Taupin, Kurt Cobain, John Lennon and Paul Simon round out the bottom half of the list. In the ‘Nice Try’ department: Patti Smith, Ray Davies, Pete Townshend, Lou Reed, David Bowie and Elvis Costello were given participation ribbons.

Bob Dylan commented to Madhouse News “Cardi Who? Wet A$$ What!? Is this a gag? Am I being punked? I have hated Rolling Stone since 1970. What a rag. I love Madhouse though. You guys are great.”