Bruce Dickinson Thwarts Burglars With Samurai Sword Sending Them to Hospital

Heavy Metal superstar Bruce Dickinson thwarts two unsuspecting burglars with a samurai sword. The legendary Iron Maiden frontman made quick work with the pair of bungling crooks. Bruce sliced and diced the thieves and by the end of the incident they were pleading for Bruce to call the police.

It all began when Bruce was enjoying a relaxing evening at home. He was sipping a cup of tea while reading a book on the mating habits of the Coatimundis. Suddenly, his keen musician’s ears caught the faint sound of shifty footsteps outside. With a furrowed brow, Bruce decided to investigate the source of the disturbance. At this point two men wearing ski masks attempted to enter his apartment and rob him.

Bruce Dickinson Samurai Sword

With a smirk on his face, Bruce opened his wardrobe to reveal a secret stash of memorabilia, including a genuine, razor-sharp Hattori Hanzo sword he had acquired in Japan during one of his world tours. Little did the burglars know they were about to face the might of a heavy metal icon who was as skilled with a sword as he was with a microphone.

Bruce Dickinson Thwarts Burglars With Samurai Sword Sending Them to Hospital

Dickinson says he heard voices outside his front door and then two suspects kicked in his door. However, Bruce was waiting for the burglars on the other side of the door and when the would-be thieves entered, Dickinson attacked them with a samurai sword, say police. The Heavy metal icon unleashed a devastating lightning fast display of samurai swordsmanship. Bruce was twirling and swirling like a Tasmanian Devil, slicing, cutting, slashing and stabbing. When the dust settled there was an arm, foreskin and a pair of testicles on the floor.

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At first the two would be crooks did not know what happened. They asked Bruce why there were body parts on the floor. It took them a second to realize that it was their own appendages scattered about the sitting room. One burglar thought they could fight back and explained that the missing arm was just a flesh wound. However after Bruce circumcised the man with his sword, the thieves broke down and cried and begged Dickinson to call the police.

Dickinson was hailed a hero. Police and ambulance carried off the burglars and scooped up all their missing body parts. Bruce, being the humble gentleman he is, simply shrugged it off with a chuckle. “I’ve faced stadiums of headbanging fans, so a couple of burglars weren’t much of a challenge,” he quipped, taking another sip of tea as if nothing extraordinary had happened.