Breaking News: Snoop Dogg Dead

Is Snoop Dogg the new PT Barnum? It was reported today that rapper Snoop Dogg was dead at age 52. However it turns out that it was just another marketing campaign to trick fans into buying some product they do not want. Recently Snoop broke the internet when he announced that he was giving up smoke. That turned out to be a cheesy ad campaign for some sort of smokeless fire pit. His death announcement was also another marketing play to sell diarrhea medicine.

Fans were upset for days when Snoop made a vague post on social media saying that he was giving up smoke. He requested that he be given privacy at this time. Many pot heads and rap fans were devastated . The man they looked up to for years had become a quitter. Willie Nelson, Cheech & Chong and Cypress Hill all mocked him. The Mexican economy crashed and munchie food stocks took a nose dive. It turned out that Snoop was actually mocking the public and attempting to trick them into buying a smokeless stove.

Snoop Dogg Dead?

Just one day later there was a post from Snoop’s social media account saying, “Snoop is dead, please respect our privacy during this difficult time”. However less than 24 hours later, Snoop himself posted, “Ha suckers, I ain’t really dead just dead set against diarrhea. Please go out and buy my new Snoop-Lax product.”

That’s right Snoop Dogg aka Calvin Cordoba Broadus Jr faked his own death in a cheap attempt to sell fans his new line of diarrhea medicine. Snoop sells many products and wanted his new “Snoop-Lax” diarrhea medicine to make a big splash. This was the last straw as many Fans were shocked and outraged. There was an online backlash as fans burned his CD’s, posters, albums and called for his arrest.

Gene Simmons

Fan Andy Micheli posted, “Snoop thinks he can toy with our emotions like this, but he will not get away with it. He is nothing but a snake oil salesman, he is actually worse than Gene Simmons. I used to look up to Snoop but I am saddened to learn he is nothing but A shill for corporate greed and dishonesty. Never will I purchase any of his stoves, diarrhea medicine, cereal, dog food, edible underpants or monkey chow.”

Snoop explained, “Snoop-Lax” is near and dear to his heart because he has suffered all his life from irritable bowel and a spastic colon. “I have had explosive diarrhea all my life and can never be more than 5 minutes from a toilet at any given time. Unfortunately I have pooped my pants more times than I care to remember. That’s how I got the nickname Snoop Dogg. My neighbor saw me squatting in his yard. Well, Snoop-Lax has cured me and has changed my life.”