Bon Jovi, Sebastian Bach, Dee Snider Among 24 Busted in Bad Music Sting

Jon Bon Jovi was among 24 “musicians” arrested in a sting announced this week by a joint task force of the FBI, ASCAP, BMI, Interpol and local authorities. The task force said they dismantled an incredibly large enterprise that recorded and distributed some of the worst music ever known to man.

Investigators confiscated 1,100 songs, 21,000 CD’s, more than 6,000 cassette tapes, $1 million cash, more than $10 million in assets, 21 expensive vehicles and 7 exotic wild animals. The music was literally unlistenable and had to be destroyed immediately. Three investigators were injured when they accidentally listened to a new song by 1980s pop star Richard Marx. “It was awful” said Inspector J. Edgar Hussey “Grown men were screaming and crying and clutching at their ears. It was terrible.”

Ring Leader

Other artists rounded up included Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Coldplay, James Blount and John Mayer. Lead Investigator Brad Minder told Madhouse News, “Sure there is a lot of terrible music out there, but we concentrated on getting the really bad stuff off the street. You know, the ones who have been doing this for a long time and consistently. They had to be stopped. Bon Jovi was the ring leader, he has been putting out the worst drivel for over 30 years now. We chopped off the head then worked our way down.”

Bon Jovi, Sebastian Bach, Dee Snider Among 24 Busted in Bad Music Sting

Also part of this underbelly of music, was 1980s hair metal artists Sebastian Bach and Dee Snider. “They are some of the worst offenders” said Investigator Minder. “The problem is they don’t even know their music sucks. They really think it is good. One hit wonders like Vanilla Ice and Billy Ray Cyrus, they know they suck, so we let them go. But we need to teach these others a lesson and get rid of this offensive, poorly written, poorly performed so called music.”

“Another category is great bands that put out some really terrible music. That is forgiven as well. Like when Guns N Roses put out Chinese Democracy or Metallica with St Anger. That was some really awful stuff, but it can be forgiven because of their catalog of great music.”

Lil Whatshisname

Some modern day artists such as DJ Khaled, Machine Gun Kelly, Justin Bieber and a bunch of rap artists name Lil Something or other were also rounded up and sent to Guantanamo Bay. All of the music was destroyed so it could not cause any further harm.