Bob Dylan Launches New Line of Chocolate Anus Molds Candy

Bob Dylan has launched a new line of chocolate anus molds candy. The Dylan brand also includes a line of whiskey, “Heaven’s Door” Whiskey, “Hurricane” beef jerky, “Forever Young” Vitamins, “Ballad of a Thin Man” diet powder and “Just Like a Woman” feminine products.

The chocolate anus candies, are a mold of Dylan’s butthole. The new venture is called “Heaven’s Back Door” Candies. “It’s a perfect complement to the Whiskey” said Dylan “What could be better than a nice glass of whiskey and a chocolate mold of my bung hole. That is living. It doesn’t get any better than that man.”

Bob Dylan Chocolate

Dylan posed for the mold, backstage, during a recent tour stop in Switzerland. “It was a strange day” said Bob. “Did you ever sit in a tub of warm chocolate with tuckus wide open for 90 minutes? I haven’t done that since the 60s. It is quite relaxing I must say. Maybe I will open a chocolate spa.”

Mr. Dylan is not simply licensing his name. He is a full partner in the business, Heaven’s Back Door Sweets Inc., which has raised $35 million from investors. The chocolate anus molds come in a package of 3 for $69.95. You get a dark, milk and Belgian chocolate corn hole replica.

Delicious

“They are really delicious” said fan Jon Vena. “I love the taste of Dylan’s chocolate anus. The dark anus is my favorite. It’s to die for. This gives a whole new meaning to hershey highway.”

“They make a great gift” said Dylan, “and we even offer a 24K gold anus mold, which can be worn as a necklace or earring. Maybe even as a broach. The solid gold ballon knot goes for a very reasonable $12K.” Dylan plans to launch a line of chocolate salty balls next year in time for valentines day.