Bob Dylan Interview
Madhouse Magazine: You have won every award imaginable, what is your most cherished honor?
Bob Dylan: It was last year of course when Madhouse and it’s readers voted me sexiest man alive. I ain’t got time for that Nobel Prize crap, thats a bunch of blowhard, stuffed shirts, congratulating themselves for things that nobody cares about. Now Madhouse Magazine is something I can get behind and being voted Sexiest Man Alive, is a huge honor, and one that I take seriously.
Madhouse: ‘Murder Most Foul’ is getting a lot of attention.
Dylan: [laughs] It sure is. It really was just a goof. I was hanging out with Elton John and he was playing the piano and then I started reading the newspaper over it. Someone recorded it, put some strings over and there you have it.
Madhouse: We hear you are releasing an Opera Album?
Dylan: Yes I have a new album consisting entirely of Opera classics. In Italian too. My voice has the remarkable ability to range from Baritone to Countertenor. A ‘Countertenor’ is able to sing even higher than a tenor. This voice actually falls within a female’s voice range. Through the use of a man’s falsetto voice, the voice produces a sound that is sometimes described as “otherworldly”. Who knew!? I just started singing opera and it came out. I think you will like it.
Madhouse: So what’s up with Joni Mitchell throwing shade at you. Calling you a plagiarist and fake and all that?
Dylan: Joni is an old gas passer. She farts on her dogs. She farts on her cats to show dominance. Who does that? Her paintings are crap, she smells of patchouli, ben gay and wide open ass.
Madhouse: Last year you drop kicked a photographer. What happened there?
Dylan: This guy was a real douche and annoying me all night. I told him – Come at me bro! He came at me and I drop kicked him into the street. This ‘photographer’ somehow ended up with a Harmonica shoved up his rectum and 3 broken ribs. Don’t f*ck with me. I am from Minnesota.
Madhouse: Tell us about that time you were supposed to be on The Ed Sullivan Show?
Dylan: Right. I guess it was back in 1963, I was all set to appear on the show. I was set to perform “John Birch Paranoid Blues”. I played it at the rehearsals and everyone loved it. Ed was tapping his feet and snapping his fingers. He was off beat of course but he seemed to be enjoying it. Then next day I show up to do the show and they are telling me I have to switch songs. They tell me I need to do a happy upbeat song like ‘If I Had a Hammer’ or ‘Michael Row the Boat Ashore’. I told them to Kiss my Arse and I walked right out of there.
Madhouse: Have you ever met anyone that booed you when you went electric?
Dylan: Yes I sure did. Joe F*cking Biden. He comes up to me when I was getting some presidential award and says that he still loves my folk music better and that he booed the crap out of my at Newport and burned my albums. I went for his throat. Obama had to pull me off of him. Dumb bastard.
Madhouse: Congratulations on the success of your Whiskey. What else do you have planned?
Dylan: Funny you should ask. I have a new line of chocolate anus candies, that are a mold of my butthole. The new venture is called “Heaven’s Back Door” Candies. It’s a perfect complement to the Whiskey. What could be better than a nice glass of whiskey and a chocolate mold of my bung hole. That is living. It doesn’t get any better than that man.
