Billy Joel Announces New Residency at Florida Assisted Living Facility

Billy Joel has announced he is embarking on a new residency at a Florida assisted living facility. Days earlier, Joel announced that he is ending his 10 year residency at New York’s Madison Square Garden. That’s right, the Piano Man himself will be tickling the ivories for the silver-haired residents of the Sunshine State. Move over, bingo nights and shuffleboard tournaments—Billy Joel is about to rock your world!

The announcement sent shockwaves through the retirement community, with walkers clattering and dentures dropping in disbelief. Residents who were accustomed to afternoon tea and gentle golf cart rides will now find themselves immersed in a whole new kind of entertainment. It seems the era of knitting circles and early bird specials is officially over.

Billy Joel Residency

Joel will begin his residency at Del Boca Vista II later this year. Del Boca Vista is a retirement village and assisted living facility in Jupiter, Florida. The retirement village has already begun making adjustments to accommodate Joel’s residency. The bingo hall is being converted into a piano bar, where Joel will perform once a month. Billy will do a matinee and the late show will start at 7PM.

Billy Joel Announces New Residency at Florida Assisted Living Facility

Resident Nancy Freeman commented, “Meh, I can take Billy Joel or leave him. However, I will go see his show. What else do I have to do but wait to die. I will attend as long as his concert doesn’t interfere with my Matlock reruns. Let me tell you something, I ain’t missing Matlock for no one. You mess with Matlock and you will get a kick in the balls.”

Joel Simches interjected, “We have a nice quiet life down here. I left all that New York City craziness behind years ago. We don’t need Billy Joel coming down here and riling everyone up with his fast women and fancy hair dryers. He can take that nonsense over to Del Boca Vista I up in Tampa. We don’t go for that down here in Jupiter.”

The community has hired extra physical therapists to prepare for the impending injuries. “We are sure to see an increase of wrenched backs, hip dysplasia, and torn ligaments” said head nurse, Louise Fletcher. “These people are not used to so much excitement. One lady broke her hip today after sneezing too hard. Can you imagine what will happen once they start dancing to ‘Uptown Girl’ and trying to sing the lyrics to ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’. It will be like Vietnam all over again.”