Bill Gates To Breastfeed Hungry Babies Due to Formula Shortage

Bill Gates has vowed to personally breast feed every baby that is hungry due to the current formula shortage. Gates has designed a special man lactation bra device thing which he will use as he travels the globe feeding all the hungry babies. 

Gates apparently got the idea from watching the move “Meet The Fockers”. In the movie, Robert DeNiro invents a device that allows him to breast feed his grandson. He calls the device The Mannary Gland. “I thought it was genius” said Gates. “I found out that a Japanese company stole the idea from the movie and patented it. So of course I immediately stole the patent from the Japanese company and plan on selling the devices internationally.” 

Teat

In addition to the device, Gates will also provide the baby formula free of charge to any baby hungry due to the current shortage. Of course you must suckle from my teat in order to get the formula. “I am not just handing it out” said Bill. “You have to work for it.”

Gates, along with fellow weirdos Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg, has invested in the start-up company Biomilq, which produces lab-grown breast milk. The mammary glands of 1000 dead hookers have been extracted and the epithelial cells are placed in flasks with eye of newt and cell culture media which has the nutrients they need to grow and be happy outside the body. 

Win Win

Gates continued, “The lab grown baby formula is a few years off before it will be made widely available to the public, but I am making it available now as a test run during the shortage. This is a win-win situation. It is basically a clinical trial so we can work out the kinks. This way we can bypass the FDA and all that stuff and experiment on human babies instead of rats. You don’t want PETA on your a$$ but no one cares about actual babies.”

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