Art Garfunkel Vandalizes Paul Simon Book Display!

An enraged Art Garfunkel walked into the Barnes & Nobles in NYC, trashed the bookstore, and destroyed an entire display of Paul Simon books.

Garfunkel, and former friend and singing partner, Paul Simon, went their separate ways in 1970. Their relationship has been less than friendly since the split. Garfunkel became incensed when he saw the book display advertising his former friend Paul Simon’s new biography. “That little freak would be nothing without me” screamed Garfunkel. “I created that monster and I will destroy him.”

Sounds of Silence

Garfunkel urinated on the book display and was attempting to defecate in the store so he could wipe himself with the books, when he was apprehended by security. “The guy was berserk and reeking of marijuana” said security guard Jon Vena. “Art Garfunkel? Rock star? WTF is that, he looks like a crazy old Jewish guy” commented bookstore employee Wilhelm Mars.

Art Garfunkel Vandalizes Paul Simon Book Display — Simon and Garfunkel Illustration By Paul King Art

Garfunkel is upset about the new book, because he was not interviewed for the book, and Simon does not even mention Garfunkel by name in the book. Simon refers to Garfunkel in the book as “Señor doucheface”, “jewfro”, and “monkey scrotum”.

When reached for comment, Simon said “What a total moron this guy is. I wrote all the songs, fuck him! He did a nice job on Bridge Over Troubled Waters, but so what. That was 40 years ago! I will tell you another thing, this idiot grew up in Queens NY with me, but is a Phillies fan. That says it all right there. If I would have been at that bookstore, I would have grabbed him by his brillo head and throttled him.” Simon hung up when we asked if there was a possibility for a Simon & Garfunkel reunion.