Alleged Plot To Castrate Dee Snider With Garden Shears Foiled

Authorities claim an alleged plot to castrate rocker Dee Snider with garden shears has been foiled. The former Twisted Sister frontman angered a certain community when he disagreed with their stance. A full social media war ensued and Snider was uninvited to sing at the family picnic. This set in motion a shocking and elaborate plan of revenge.

It all started when KISS frontman Paul Stanley tweeted something controversial and Dee Snider agreed with it. Stanley immediately retracted the statement and said Ace Frehley hacked his twitter. Peter commented, “Ace was completely and solely responsible for anything that might get me in hot water. However, anything you like, I am responsible for.”

Dee Snider vs Garden Shears

Stanley was let off the hook after paying his penance and the angry mob went for Snider. Dee tried to apologize and kiss some tuckus but it was not satisfying enough. A sinister plan was then hatched to show Dee who’s the boss. A bounty was put on Snider’s testicles and junk.

Eventually, The word was put out on the street. The first person to bring back Dee Snider’s twig and berries would get $10,000. $5000 for the twig and $2500 for each berry. Fortune seekers from far and wide descended upon Snider’s residence in order to collect the booty. It was like the new gold rush.

Alleged Plot To Castrate Dee Snider With Garden Shears Foiled

Snider got word of the plan and hired security. Dee exclaimed, “I was so scared that I dug a moat around my house and filled it with alligators. Then I installed cameras, razor wire and security doors. I hunkered down like it was the Purge and waited.”

Pat McGroin

In spite of that, a 300 pound person named Pat McGroin managed to circumvent all of the security and gain entrance into the Snider residence. McGroin went to work on the refrigerator and finished off an entire chicken, three pounds of mac and cheese and a gallon of yoo-hoo. Pat then took a bath and fell asleep in the tub. Dee discovered McGroin and alerted authorities.

Snider called local authorities to report that a strange enormous woman that looked like Milton Berle was asleep in his bathtub. McGroin went berserk upon being awakened and a brawl broke out. It took seven officers and four tasers to take down McGroin. A police spokesperson commented, “Animal control was brought in and they fired a tranquilizer dart into the left buttocks of the suspect. The suspect went down like a water buffalo on the Serengeti. The suspect was neutralized. A search on the suspect’s car found garden shears, duct tape, zip ties, a blow torch and an industrial size tub of vaseline.”