10 Year Old Wins Science Fair By Proving Jon Bon Jovi is a Douche

When science fair time comes around, fourth graders tend to take on modest projects: They compare plant fertilizers, for example, or construct paper mache volcanoes. Bobby Haslett, a 10-year old from Lexington, Kentucky, is more ambitious. He set out to determine whether singer Jon Bon Jovi is a douche or not.

For the project, Haslett concluded that yes, “Jon Bon Jovi is indeed a douche.” For his troubles, little Bobby won first place. “The evidence was overwhelming” said Bobby’s science teacher Gary Tuttle. “His hypothesis was genius, his methodology was sublime and the conclusion is irrefutable. I am very proud of Bobby, he did an excellent job.”

Superman Tattoo

Exhibit A included pictures of Bon Jovi. “With his poodle hair, tight jean short shorts, fringe jackets and those tattoos are definitely signs of a douche” said Little Bobby. “The guy has a tiny little superman tattoo and a tramp stamp that says Get Some. It is hard to get any lamer than that.”

10 Year Old Wins Science Fair By Proving Jon Bon Jovi is a Douche

Bobby then went on to discuss the music. “OMG” said Bobby. “His lyrics are insipid to say the least. The music is insufferable and have been proven to cause harm. Tiger Woods went off the road trying to turn off Bon Jovi music on his car radio. Rick Allen from Def Leppard lost an arm trying to switch the radio off and crashing. Lord knows how many others have suffered the same fate.”

The King

“When I was researching subjects for my science fair project, I thought about other giant douche candidates. Gene Simmons, Sebastian Bach, Dee Snider etc… but then settled on Bon Jovi. He really is the king of douches. I hate his music, I hate everything about him, I like metal music like Slayer, Pantera, Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin.”

The 10-year-old’s methodology has been peer reviewed, and passed with flying colors. Bobby has been invited to attend A World Science Seminar in Basel, Switzerland this summer. Bon Jovi haters all over the world rejoice. Enemies of vapid, sappy, full out douchey music now have a forum. Facts don’t lie ladies and gentlemen.